"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Mama Mia

I might have mentioned that my mum was about to start off on an epic road trip with her caravan from one side of the country to the other to come and see us and help us make The Big Move South. Well, the road trip she expected to last several weeks only lasted one day - and while she and her puppy are okay, her caravan and car are not. Huge winds coming south of Carnavon swept them off the road, wrecking both car and caravan.

Thankfully (thankfully) some other drivers weren't too far behind her, and stopped and helped Mum & Ruby (the pup) get out of the car. And thankfully she was insured, and the insurer has already agreed to write off the car and caravan and pay her out. So she's now flown home, and is staying with my sister while she re-adjusts her plans.

I'm so so so glad she is safe, and can't imagine how scary it would have been. My mum is the adventuring type - I love this about her, but it also scares me to bits - particularly when I get news like this (or the phone call from DFAT telling me that she was stuck in Bolivia in the midst of a civil uprising, and the embassy was trying to get her out of there - no, I don't make these things up! - Keely, I think we may have a competition here for World's Coolest Mum). She's been travelling for about 3 years - so I can't wait to see her in the flesh for a proper big hug (even if I'm a bit lumpy for hugging at the moment).

One of Mum's photos from WA

Other "news" from our region:

- Queasiness - I thought I was all done with this, but it is back, and doesn't seem as benevolent as my thankfully gentle dose of morning sickness. It is more of a dizzy/ faint/clammy/queasiness - and so far seems to mainly hit when I'm sitting on the train in the morning. I feel like I have to concentrate so that I don't faint. Will mention it to my GP next time I see her.

- Weariness - I don't know if it is the last few busy weeks of semester (and extra teaching to fill in for my boss who has had to fly overseas for his dad's funeral - sad) or the beginning of the third trimester, but I am suddenly getting hit by the tiredness truck again. I find myself counting down the weeks until teaching is over - and for the first time in this job my motivation is flagging.

- This sounds really silly, but I keep looking at people in the street and thinking "you were a halloumi in your mum's tummy once!" It shocks me that this is the only way human beings get here - that for every human walking around, there is (or was) a mother who carried them just like I'm carrying halloumi. And vice versa - that one day (touch wood) Haloumi will be one of the people on the street - all adult-looking and with a life of his/her own. Yikes.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Red Bean Bun!

was ALL that I could think of this afternoon after I escaped from a videoconference meeting at work. The idea lodged its sticky self in my red bean brain, and would not leave me alone until I marched all the way down to the sweet bun bakery and got not one, but two different kinds of red bean bun. (heavy gelatinous, rolled in hairy coconunt red bean bun, and golden baked bun with a frighteningly scary dough-face red bean bun - these are probably not the correct terms)

And I made ravenous pregnant woman faces at people on the street as I wolfed them down while walking back to the office. (clarification - I was wolfing down the buns, not the people on the street. Though they better watch out - particularly when I'm hungry and on the hunt for red bean bun!)

In other scintillating gestational news - a friend pointed out that my sticky-outy bellybutton is actually a little bit off-centre - slightly to the left (just like Beyonce). In fact, the "linea negra" above and below my bellybutton don't even line up! It is like my belly button is some kind of traffic-reducing chicane on the grand highway of my linea negra. (I love the word chicane. My brother had to explain it to me - this is probably why I love it so much).

Last week I waited around all day so I could have the "big chat" re our relocation with my boss. And thankfully, he was absolutely lovely about it - sad that I wouldn't be coming back after having haloumi, but understanding about my reasons why. I wasn't surprised, because he's always been very supportive, but it was a huge relief. And that means I can let my other colleagues know - also sad because they have made it the most friendly & supportive workplace I've ever worked in, but nice to no longer have to be studiously vague about my plans post-maternity leave. I'm lousy at carrying secrets - they exhaust me. It is nice to no longer be carrying that one.

And last but not least, you know in the Olympic gymnastics - the event where the gymnast sprints like the clackers down a track, bounces on a trampoline and then boings off a padded wooden horse with two feet? It feels like haloumi's been doing quite a bit of that! Not painful or anything - but quite strong!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Words for Haloumi

**I'm going to put my aspiring word-smith heart on my sleeve and post something here I wrote for Haloumi. I know amateur poetry can be cringe-worthy, if you find this so, please be kind!**

Halloumi’s playing knock-knock jokes with me again. Knock knock – Who’s there? Haloumi!

It is feeling summery – even more so that last month. I’m on the train, curving my way up to Newcastle. Late for the colloquium I was planning on attending, but will get there nonetheless. And I find myself writing words for Haloumi in the margins of a paper I’m reading:

Promises Made

I will greet you with hands smelling of oranges.
I will kiss your mouth in your sleep.
I will let you surprise me
Over and over again.
I will curse that my hands can’t bat away all the things that will hurt you.
I will remember– despite the shock – that no matter how many times I have dreamt you
You are your very own dream
From your very own flickering head.

I will breathe you in and mingle you with my familiar cells.
I will breathe you out and let you mingle amongst the hard and soft particles of the air.
I will bring you home,
And I will open the door.

And as much as I delight
In the still unreal thought
of seeing the light bounce from your face onto mine
I will not hurry you

Monday, October 12, 2009

I am a grot (....I am an Island)

Unanticipated pregnancy side-effect number #317 - catching spilled food on my unprecedentedly protuberant bosoms / belly.

Usually painless but can be quite embarrassing! Having made the rather impetuous decision to eat an entire orange just an hour before the fancy work function this afternoon, I am now wearing a big wet-patch on my front where I've had to sponge off the orange juice. This is why I should only ever wear black at work.

Still, the orange was worth it!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Haloumi bends it like Beckham

I feel like there is a lot of this going on behind my belly button at the moment:

It is so nice to be getting so much movement - reassuring us that haloumi is doing well and enjoying my olympic-sized uterus. When we were at my sister's place last week, we could actually *see* my tummy moving - or something moving beneath it! Very weird and lovely at the same time. And sometimes if we poke my belly in response to a kick, Haloumi will respond back with a kick - or at least we like to think Haloumi is responding - who really knows?

We were south of the border all last week to visit family and to set up things for the move (less than 3 months to go until we move! eek!) and one of the appointments on our list was with the birthing centre obstetrician to check that I am sufficiently "low risk" to birth there. The only thing in my medical history which would possibly heighten my risk is that I've only got one kidney - the other was removed when I was little because of kidney / urinary tract issues. So I went for a special ultrasound to check up on my remaining kidney, and not only is it healthy and functioning well - it is 14 cms LONG! I'm not an anatomy specialist, but I think that is pretty huge. The obstetrician wasn't as impressed as I'd hoped she'd be, but didn't see any reason for alarm or to consider me high risk.

She did raise her eyebrows though at our plans to move interstate while 7 months pregnant... I know this is going to be tricky, and that I'll probably be pretty exhausted / uncomfortable by that stage, but it really does seem like a better option than all the alternatives. We're just trying to keep it relatively flexible so that we can roll with the punches a bit.