"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

oh man.

I'm back in bed on a day when I should be teaching after some scary bleeding yesterday. I'm trying to think of how I can convey 'scary' without grossing people out too much. And having been this scared in the last 24 hours, I don't really want to put others through the same fear. We've just had another scan showing that the PLB is still in there (yay! though a fetal pole hasn't magically appeared yet). It is amazing news, given that yesterday, when I was I trying to leave work, and I realised I wasn't just bleeding, but passing big clots and blood suddenly gushed down my legs and onto my new white sandals, I thought it was all over. Horror movie scary.

Our clinic was closed so I spoke to my GP on the phone, and he told me to go to emergency at the womens. We did, and after an hour's wait (during which time we bumped into friends coming in for a 38 week check up... arg!) saw a doctor. They weren't able to scan until the morning, but they took bloods, prodded a little and monitored me. The blood draw was the worst I've ever experienced in 4+ years of fertility treatment - apparently my blood was sticky and my veins elusive. Ow. Thankfully El Prima was there so she could make faces at me and distract me. The doctor was lovely - he told me my HCG was in the 10,000s which was a good sign, but he wanted me to come back in the morning for a scan.

The next morning, we turned up at the appointed hour only to hear that the doctor had gotten their policy wrong, and they wouldn't scan me unless it had been more than a week since our last scan, and since I'd just had one on Tuesday, they couldn't do it today. Gah. At least the nurse did tell us the HCG level from the night before (14,515) and suggested we contact our clinic. Thankfully, our clinic were willing to 'indulge' us with a scan, and there it was, the little gestational sac, still bang in the middle of the uterus, saying "What?" as if nothing at all had been happening. Cheeky little bastard. No sign of a fetal pole or yolk sac - still a bit of a worry, but still consistent with the embryo implanting maybe a week late. Or with various other not so lovely scenarios. So we're back to where we were on Tuesday - waiting and wondering until next tuesday.

15 comments:

  1. xxx to you both. too scary. keep breathing darlins.

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  2. Oh sweetheart, that must have been terrifying. Sending all my love. xxx

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  3. xxxxx thanks K - yep, breathing is good!

    Ping - exactly. xxxx

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  4. So so scary. Hang in there, we're keeping you in out thoughts. <3

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  5. Ugh, this little emby has a flare for dramatic tension! Sending you lots of hope!

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  6. I bled my entire first trimester with Cheeks, scary since her brother was a twin and I miscarried his "match" in the first trimester. Hang in there....hoping so hard for you!

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  7. Goodness, you just can't get it easy, can you? I sure hope the bleeding stays away, far away, and that you see perfect growth on the Tuesday scan. xx

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  8. Oh man indeed.

    I'm sorry for the scare, and hope good things for you and the emby.

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  9. Oh honey, that must've been so scary. I'm here just marvelling at all this, and still hoping.x

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  10. I agree with Schroe. I think this little one's just trying to make things hard for you. Testing his/her moms so early!

    If it's any consolation, I had a similar freaky scare full of bright blood and tons of clots at like week 6. Turns out I had 3 small subchorionic hemorrhages. No one ever told me that much blood was normal, but I guess it was. I didn't see any mention of cramping, so I think it's most likely that all is well.

    Thinking of you and sending good vibes...

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  11. gah! i can't believe they'd deny you a scan under those conditions. perhaps i am a typically spoiled american. glad you got one. sending lots of hope your way.

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  12. Awful, stressful, terrible! Thinking of you and your little one and hoping all is well.

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  13. So scary, Hanen. Thinking of you and sending strong healthy thoughts to the PLB.

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  14. Well, that sure is jeezebeeze scary. I hope PLB stays strong, and you get to see the cardiac activity soon.

    Stay good.

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  15. Just wanted you to know I've been thinking of you and hoping for great results on your next scan. Sending hope and hugs your way. xx

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