"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Day one - nearly!

I was so ready to step from the grief rollercoaster onto the TTC (trying to conceive) rollercoaster, or, more realistically, to try some Evil-Kenevil feat of riding both rollercoasters at once. And we'd been working with our clinic since march to try to make sure that could happen in August. August is the month which has been dragging me through, pulling me forward through the treacle.

So when I hit day one of my cycle last weekend, I thought, woo hoo. I woke up with that birthday feeling, this is the month that something might happen. Well, lots of things will happen in August, but trying to get pregnant won't be one of them. Our frozen "samples" (I love that euphemism - samples of what?) have arrived from the Sydney clinic, but the doctors won't let us use them just yet because they arrived without all the paperwork, and because in any case, the Sydney clinic hasn't done all the barrage of tests which the Melbourne clinic requires, and which will take another week to do. Thus taking us out of our window of opportunity for this month. Bureaucracy 1, babymaking 0. Grrr.

I did have a post half-written about all the good things that have happened in the gap between posts, about the amazing feeling of getting a glimpse of pre-accident me, feeling (even temporarily) well, whole, able to plot out an idea, an argument. All that is still a big step, it was lovely while it lasted. And I'm sure that in September, when we really truly will hit "day one", this sadness will feel like a blip. I'll know that it may have had just as much to do with the nasty headcold, the rain. But today, it feels like a continuation of all the waiting, and I'm getting petulant. I'm trying to bandaid together these little bits of hope. Here is my one certainty, this situation will pass.

7 comments:

  1. Gah, how frustrating, all because of red tape. BOOOO.

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  2. Argh, how frustrating to be stopped in your tracks by bureaucracy.

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  3. I'm glad to see you blog again, and i'm glad you got to experience that window of feeling better - those windows will come and go, but stay for a little longer each time until it seems that the grief you feel is the window and the feeling ok is the room you get to stay in. x

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  4. The silly thing is that we've already used straws from the very same donation in Sydney, but because of the different protocols in melbourne, they want to run further tests. Thanks for the sympathetic booing xxxh

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  5. Thanks golyweg for the welcome back and kind words. I think you are right, and the windows are slowly getting closer together. xx

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  6. Oh no. I'm sorry that you've had to wait due to a bunch of bureaucracy. Argh. I hope it all gets resolved as rapidly as possible. Roll on September. x

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  7. Thanks Catherine! We're doing everything short of poking them with sticks to try and make sure we can start in september. xx

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