"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Back in the game

Apologies for blog silence - I'm here, but just not feeling terribly verbal.

I think this photo kind of sums up the mood - whimsical old (slightly rusty) grater with a wonky handle and a goofy grin in the sunshine through the kitchen window. 

"Why yes, my handle might fall off at any moment, and yet small things, such as the smile-like turn of my cheese-slicer, still lighten my heart".  I'm a bit scared to jinx it by writing too much about it, though it's still punctuated with little bits of grief.  Yesterday I found El Prima's goodbye card from her work, with everyone's good wishes about our 'bundle of joy' etc.  I had a cry in the aluminium shed, then stepped out into the sun, cuddled the dogs for a bit under the plum tree,  and started preparing our tomato patch for this spring / summer.

In other news, we had our embryo transfer today.  One lovely looking blastocyst was welcomed into the hopefully friendly environment of my uterus.  Make yourself at home, sweetcheeks. 

This is our first go with a 5 day transfer (the others have all been 2 day embryos) so who knows whether that will make any difference.  Our doctor explained to us that he was very pleased that 11 of the 13 eggs fertilised (yay, go wonder eggs!) but disappointed that of the 9 that kept growing, only one made it to blastocyst stage by day 5 (alas, poor embryos, I'm sure you're trying your best.  Aren't you?).  We'll find out tomorrow whether any of the others developed enough to be frozen.  I suggested to our doctor that maybe the others were just 'late developers' - indeed my grandad hadn't grown to his adult height until he was 19, so there's probably a family tendency there.  That and procrastination, either of which are quite valid explanations, if not very scientific.  Meanwhile, we've transferred the little blastocyst that could. 

So, we're back in the slightly less than 2 week wait, and I'm back to humming my favourite little "who knows who knows" song.  Blood test 9 Sept.  And hope?  Don't mind if I do!  I think I'm just going to go ahead and hope this time, as there's no point pretending this doesn't matter to me.  Fingers crossed.
 

18 comments:

  1. I'm hoping right along with you that this little blastocyst makes his/herself very, very comfy in there.

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  2. Fingers, toes. They are all crossed. Hoping like crazy over here for you.
    Much love, H.
    xo

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  3. Oh, I have been wondering how you are... High hopes for that little frosty burying in deep. xoxox

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  4. sending sticky thoughts across the ocean!

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  5. hoping for you here, too. and give your cheese grater a smile back from me. what a cheerful fellow.

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  6. Ive been checking in periodically and hoped you werebdoing well. Congrats on the transfer. I have everything crossed for you. Im also sending up prayers for you. Come on baby!!

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  7. Sending hope for you and that little embryo. Waiting to here good news on the 9th.

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  8. Hoping for you and El Prima. Lots and lots and lots. You have a very amiable looking cheese grater there xo

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  9. Love the cheese grater. So cute.

    Crossing everything over here and hope hope hoping for you and El Prima. xoxox

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  10. So very hopeful that your embryo will stick around!! Sending good thoughts your way.

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  11. Fingers crossed here, and hoping hard for you.

    That's the friendliest grater I've ever seen!

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  12. Here hoping for you, Hanen. Sending love and light.

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  13. Everything crossed here for you...and that grater would make me smile even before coffee...

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  14. Good luck. Everything crossed for you and El Prima.

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  15. Thinking hugely sticky thoughts (ewwww!) but you know what I mean :)

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  16. Thinking of you guys today. xxk

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