Back in the game

Apologies for blog silence - I'm here, but just not feeling terribly verbal.

I think this photo kind of sums up the mood - whimsical old (slightly rusty) grater with a wonky handle and a goofy grin in the sunshine through the kitchen window. 

"Why yes, my handle might fall off at any moment, and yet small things, such as the smile-like turn of my cheese-slicer, still lighten my heart".  I'm a bit scared to jinx it by writing too much about it, though it's still punctuated with little bits of grief.  Yesterday I found El Prima's goodbye card from her work, with everyone's good wishes about our 'bundle of joy' etc.  I had a cry in the aluminium shed, then stepped out into the sun, cuddled the dogs for a bit under the plum tree,  and started preparing our tomato patch for this spring / summer.

In other news, we had our embryo transfer today.  One lovely looking blastocyst was welcomed into the hopefully friendly environment of my uterus.  Make yourself at home, sweetcheeks. 

This is our first go with a 5 day transfer (the others have all been 2 day embryos) so who knows whether that will make any difference.  Our doctor explained to us that he was very pleased that 11 of the 13 eggs fertilised (yay, go wonder eggs!) but disappointed that of the 9 that kept growing, only one made it to blastocyst stage by day 5 (alas, poor embryos, I'm sure you're trying your best.  Aren't you?).  We'll find out tomorrow whether any of the others developed enough to be frozen.  I suggested to our doctor that maybe the others were just 'late developers' - indeed my grandad hadn't grown to his adult height until he was 19, so there's probably a family tendency there.  That and procrastination, either of which are quite valid explanations, if not very scientific.  Meanwhile, we've transferred the little blastocyst that could. 

So, we're back in the slightly less than 2 week wait, and I'm back to humming my favourite little "who knows who knows" song.  Blood test 9 Sept.  And hope?  Don't mind if I do!  I think I'm just going to go ahead and hope this time, as there's no point pretending this doesn't matter to me.  Fingers crossed.