"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


The ladies at Waiting for Mavis got me thinking about a 'word of the day'. So far I've been very lucky in that it has only been "queasy" and not "vomiting" *touchwood*. And although halloumi (or my bladder, under the bad influence of nearby halloumi) has been waking me up regularly at 4 / 5 am, I've usually been able to get back to sleep after a little while.
So if I had to pick a word for the day, it would probably be "inshallah" - meaning "god willing" in arabic. It is a bit of an odd pick in that I'm not religious myself, but El Prima is. (Gah - clarifying my own spiritual beliefs is tricky. Let's just say I grew up with the sense that the core bits of most religions are very similar - treat others with love and respect - be compassionate because you don't know when it will be your turn to suffer etc - but that religious institutions were problematic because those good core bits tended to get overshadowed by power plays, divisions, hierarchies and people wanting to tell you how to live your life.) I won't go into El Prima's story about how she reconciles her religion with her sexuality, because that is her story, but suffice to say this is something she has put a lot of thought into, and which is very important in her life.
But for us, inshallah is comforting at the moment, because it is both a permission to hope, and an acknowledgement that it is not us who will decide whether our hopes are realised. When I think of the word inshallah, I think of El Prima's mum, and all that she has weathered in her life, coming through with such grace and generosity towards others, and hope we can show the same acceptance and perserverence.
Image from here.

1 comment:

  1. The artist's name is Salma Arastu. I find her work quite arresting, and calming.

    I don't know if a forty day mourning ceremony is typical in Australia, but it is in Jordan. On the 40-day anniversary, Christians and Moslems alike take out ads in the local newspaper. When friends drop by, there is the newspaper announcement to show them.