"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Worry dreams & the promise of belly shots

More odd dreams! One, terrible sad one, in which I dreamt that our donor and friend, J had died - I can't remember what happened or how, but just the weeping and feeling distraught. El Prima means this can mean some sort of change - I guess our relationship to him is changing dramatically now that halloumi is taking shape.

I definitely have a belly now - no amount of sucking it in can make it less obvious. I tried to look at my tattoo yesterday, which is just on the inside of my hip bone on one side, and there was a bump in the way! We are taking photos - but need a decent chunk of time to sit down, download them from the camera and post them.

Random people are now treating me like a "pregnant lady". Eg "Don't get between the pregnant lady and the icecream!" This is lovely and odd at the same time. I feel so lucky to have gotten to this point - and to have others recognise the pregnancy as "real". But much of it feels like a real or over-exaggerated wariness - as though I'm a ticking bomb which they need to be careful of. According to the more pregnant women in my yoga class, this only gets worse. One had a guy say to her at the service station "Looks like she's about to blow!" It is funny having your body "speak" for you - and disconcerting having people make assumptions about you as a result, but I guess that is what people with visible disabilities, or physical characteristics unusual among the community they live in have to put up with all the time. And at least most of the assumptions people tend to make about pregnancy are positive - at least for white women in their 20s & 30s.

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