"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


I don't like Patience. Not the word, not the f***ing awful Bon Jovi song, not the concept. Maybe the flower? Oh wait - that's impatiens - much more my style.

But I thought I was doing an okay job of being all philosophical and willing to deal with our clinic delaying IUI treatment for another month. And okay, so it turns out freezing techniques do terrible things to our donor's samples, so our odds are actually pretty lousy. But you'll still let us try this month, won't you? They were going to tell me last Friday, then I was promised an answer yesterday. While the rest of the country was hanging around to see whether we'd finally know who would be Prime Minister for the next couple of years , I was waiting for a phone call from our clinic. Finally, they called, and said, yes, you can go ahead as long as you have an appointment with Dr Sp.ermLibrarian so he can explain exactly what lousy chances you have using IUI and why you really should be spending $7ooo a month to do IVF with ICSI. Okay, yes, I can have an appointment, that is fine - just give us the bleeping sperm and let me get on with my delusion of thinking that I am doing something towards falling pregnant again...

But the problem, only apparent this afternoon, is that Dr Sp.ermLibrarian is all booked out until mid October, and no, treatment can't go ahead until I've sat in a consult with him and listened carefully to him telling me just how bad our chances are with IUI. Mid october would put us out for two cycles. When I pointed this out, the receptionist was kindly able to find us an appointment for 4 october. But that still means that we miss this cycle. So I'm leaving crazy-lady messages for the Clinician who made this decision (but who has never met us), and then when her receptionist called back to tell us to talk to the Drs at the Womens, leaving crazy-lady messages for them too. Little do they know that isn't half of the crazy. If this goes on, well, there might just be a huge crazy-quake in which I stage a full public melt-down in the foyer of the Womens.

This feels like a bizarre form of torture by bureacracy. I can't call any of the people who can actually change the decision which affects me. Most of them have never met me. I have told everyone I speak to, 'you know what happened to us, don't you - you know that we lost our baby at 8 months?' and all the receptionists and "donor managers" apologise and express their sympathies, but tell me their hands are tied, not their decision.

I'm at the stage of saying, just give it to us and we can at least do a home insem this month - go on, play along with my delusion that I have some control over what happens in my life, please!


  1. Ugh ugh ugh. I can't believe it. How effing annoying. >.<

  2. They've obviously decided to push you & El Prima to the edge of your sanity with red tape. Geesh! I don't know why you have to have Dr SL sit down with you and explain something that you know full well. Perhaps they just need to cover their behinds.

    It is a delusion that we have any control over most things in this life but it one that most of us need to maintain to some extent! I hope you can manage to sort something out.

  3. How ridiculouosly frustrating. Can you just storm in there and find exactly whose decision is it to wrap up your life in red tape?

    I hope the crazy lady messages spur someone to action!

  4. Urghh, what a nightmare! I hope you get somewhere with your crazy lady phone calls and hassling. x

  5. sorry it is so hard, sorry that the system is treating you so poorly.

    you would think, with the laws of karma and what-not that after all you have been through this bit would be easier.

    for what it is worth, i think it will all work out OK.

  6. Isn't that a conflict of interest, for them to try to blackmail you into using IVF? Melbourne IVF seems to be quite uninterested in providing the insem service it has committed to give (well, sell) you.

    I'd be talking to the Health Services Commissioner, the Health Department, Consumer Affairs ... Hell, I will call them if you like! This is torturous obstructionism of the highest order.

  7. (Sorry, that was a bit fierce. It just breaks my heart that an organisation that is supposed to be helping you is instead making it so much harder than it needs to be.)

  8. Dear lovelies - thanks so much for your support here! Man, if only we could put on our bloggy super-hero capes and join our superpower forces, would we kick some bureaucratic butt! In a completely courteous, respectful way of course.

    I'm still waiting for a return phone call - who knows whether that will make any difference. But all this has made us realise that actually working with our donor to arrange for interstate travel and fresh donations is probably going to be a simpler and cheaper option than dealing with the mindless (and heartless) bureaucracy that is* Melbourne IVF Limited. We're plotting with our lovely donor, J, for travels so we can have a fresh donation in October - cross fingers we can make that happen and at least have a shot at this.


    * most of. All the nurses, counsellors and receptionists are lovely, but powerless to do anything for us. I understand from friends that there are some good people in there somewhere. I've got an appointment with one of them, but he was booked out until december :( I hope to god we are not still waiting by then...