"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Spring and the Coping / Not Coping Ratio

This is my little measure of the good and the bad days - the ratio of coping: not coping time. The not coping has been kicking my arse lately. I have no hesitations about weeping on public transport these days.

So I've had to rely heavily on the campus ducks and cockatoos - they do a fabulous job at cheering me up on the way in / out of work.

But watching spring happen in the garden helps too. The little succulent which I planted from a cutting a few weeks ago suddenly has a bright magenta bud, which goes from this in the early morning:

to this when the sun comes out:
And then there are the broad beans:

and the blossom on the pear tree on our nature strip:


And on the blossom a bee:
Wishing you good things for Spring! (or autumn/fall if that is where you are)
Posted by Hanen at 1:08 AM

5 comments:

  1. NSeptember 1, 2010 at 5:57 AM

    ♥

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  2. Catherine WSeptember 1, 2010 at 3:29 PM

    I'm sorry that the 'not coping' has been kicking your butt lately. I have also had no hesitation about weeping . . hmmm, pretty much anywhere. So I am with you in spirit if you have a shaky moment on public transport. Gosh, it is just so terribly hard. It honestly is.

    Glad that the ducks, cockatoos and spring time things are there to make you smile a little. xo

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  3. HanenSeptember 1, 2010 at 6:05 PM

    Thanks N, and Catherine xxx.

    It is so funny, some weeks I smile and think, "I'm so fine, this is all okay" and other days it feels like everything will break. But noticing little things - birds, plants etc always helps up my ratio. If they can find the energy to keep going earnestly about their business of growing and feeding themselves and their young, in light of the big mess we are making of their environment, then I think it is the least I can do to cope as well.

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  4. nubreySeptember 14, 2010 at 9:22 AM

    I LOVE weeping on public transport - i may even go so far as to say that its my preferred weeping place......i find my self chanting in my head - "see beauty - see beauty" - which you have clearly been doing. well done.
    kisses from paris
    xk

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  5. HanenSeptember 14, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    K - Ha - you are hilarious. We'll be comrades in public transport weeping then. I really should get sunglasses for that exact purpose.

    And I like your chant - this is one of the things that really helps - focusing on these tiny details, even if they aren't the small baby details we miss, they come from the same place, they're made from the same beautiful stuff. gross bisous from western preston, xxxh

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