This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.
And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.
You know when Mr Krabs Spongebob Squarepants' boss gets really angry and mean? C'est moi at the moment.
Here are some of the things which have turned me into a cranky bitch in the last 24 hours:
- The stupid Australian Open ("tennis" - apparently some people wish to watch this repetitive crap) being on the television.
- beloved members of my family wishing to watch the Australian Open pretty much all day from about 10 am until ... oh yes, that crap is still on the tv and taking over my living room right now. At 11pm at night. Is there no flipping rest from that crap?
- tripping over a sewing machine in the hallway. Why is it there? Oh yes, we are still unpacking our house and there is shit (i mean, all our precious belongings) everywhere.
- beloved stepchildren feeling compelled to tear a chewing gum packet (both foil and cardboard) into minute pieces, and leave them on the table on the front porch. The front porch being the one place I can escape from the "tennis" and from all the crap in our house.
- idiots who drive at 140km per hour (with a blood alcohol reading of 1.06 - hilarious) up a suburban road, managing to kill themselves, four of their best friends, and maim the younger sister of one of their best friends, in a car with only 5 seatbelts. Get a fucking clue people.
These things make me cranky. I'm sorry to be in such a bad mood. Tomorrow I'll have to write about how beautiful some people are, such as the dear friends and family who have been driving us to medical appointments, cooking us amazing food, doing our washing etc etc etc.
But for now crabbiness will have to suffice. Please stay safe and hold your loved ones tight. xxxxh
El Prima - my *ex* partner & aaineh number one. Yep, she's a lady. And so am I. Scandalous. Even better, she's Lebanese - and not just in a euphemistic way.
"the girls" - El Prima's two teenage daughters, Snacky & Snazzy, who live with us, and put up with my poor attempts at stepmama-ing. Her eldest daughter is 20 and living in another city. Snacky moved up to Sydney to study in Feb 2012 after finishing high school. Snazzy still lives with us (or at the house, with El Prima) and visits me and Ali where we are staying with friends,
Z - (aka Haloumi or khallila) our baby daughter, who died from placental abruption at 34w in the car accident on 27 December 2009.
Ali - long awaited little brother to the girls and to Z, born in May 2012
*edited on 13 July to add*
[where did my ticker go? It broke - I guess pregnancy tickers don't magically transform into "x days since our baby would hypothetically have been born, had she not died 6 weeks before" tickers. And I'm not sure I need a little program to tell me anyway.]
*edited on 11 Jan 2010 to add*
I think the reason why I'm leaving this ticker up here is because it is important to my mourning right now. We've had a funeral for our beautiful little girl, but in accordance with El Prima's faith (and my wishes) we will have a further, more public, ceremony around 40 days after she died. In some kind of wierd coincidence, 40 days was almost exactly how many days were left until her due date at the time she died. (I think that counts as irony of the saddest kind)
So while the significance has changed so radically, we are still counting down to something, even if it is not what we expected.
The fine print
I'd be a very bad lawyer if I didn't point out that everything I write here is copyright - please don't reproduce or borrow from it without my permission. Thank you!