What happened

is still so raw and new that we are wrapping our heads around a new bit of it everyday. And also failing to wrap our heads around, and howling at that failure and our loss and the fact that our daughter will never open her beautiful eyes to see the people who love her more than anything. Here is an offensively inaccurate version of what happened which was on the front cover of a tabloid newspaper. This is my response to it:

Letter to the Editor

Eleven days ago I was 34 weeks pregnant and driving home with my defacto wife in the passenger seat and my beloved stepdaughters in the back seat. A 4WD came onto our side of the road and hit us. We were all badly hurt but our baby daughter died in my womb from the impact. My defacto wife (I can’t call her my wife because in this country we cannot marry) and I had spent nearly four years getting to know our sperm donor, undertaking tests and trying to get me pregnant using assisted conception (fortunately we did not need IVF). When the Herald-Sun reported the accident and our loss on 28 December 2009, (“LOST IVF ANGEL”), it mistakenly called her my “sister-in-law” and referred to my stepdaughters vaguely as “two children”. Many people reading your article must have been wondering about the relationships between a pregnant woman, her sister in law and these two children who were all hurt in the one car. I just need to clarify – we are a family. My defacto wife (what a clunky phrase that is) and I lost our little girl, and our big girls lost their baby sister. I don’t want our family to be invisible – we have enough pain and injuries to deal with at the moment.

Name & Address withheld

But in this wierd strange movie which is apparently now my life, the most genuine and real thing is the love we have felt around us from family, friends, and also people who may not know us in real life but have very real compassion for us (or worse, have been through equally heart-breaking things themselves). It is huge, and we feel so warmed by your love but at the moment we are still so broken – physically, and in our hearts, that we can’t respond to all the messages. I am out of ICU (yay), out of the Trauma ward (yay), and in Rehab. I hate being here – but am doing my best to heal and learn how to do basic things so I can get home and be with my beautiful girls and do the rest of my healing there. Rima & girls are out of hospital (yay!), but there are still various stages to go.

We will never ever be the same after this. I could never have imagined that the Haloumi who kicked and hiccuped inside me could be such a beautiful little baby girl. I am so proud of her and so so heart-broken. I am so thankful my beloved Rima and girls are safe. Thank you for your thoughts and love.