"Edited to Add"....

This started as a pregnancy blog when I fell pregnant in May 2009 after four years of finding a donor, doing all the counselling / paperwork / tests and trying.

And now, thanks to a 4WD which skidded onto our side of the road, killing our baby daughter at 34w and injuring me, my partner and two of my stepdaughters on 27 December 2009, it has turned into something else. We didn't want this something else, but apparently it is all we've got to go on with.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

This almost deserves a spreadsheet...

Okay, so today's blood test (20DPO) showed a hcg level of 201. This time, I got the call from the specialist early pregnancy nurse. She asked me again about the bleeding, I explained that it had been heavy, like a normal period. That it had stopped now.

Nurse: "It's clear that there has been implantation, and that you've got pregnancy hormones being produced, it's just that those levels are much lower than we'd like to see."
Me: "So, have you ever seen a viable pregnancy with those kinds of numbers?"
Nurse: "I have, but it's important to be realistic about your chances here - realistically it is looking very unlikely at this stage."

Ha ha. Realistic! The realistic view is that they have no idea what is happening, and neither do I. The odd thing is, I'm kind of getting used to this limbo land. It's beginning to feel like a soapie where I can observe the drama knowing that while there will always be "something happening", it is never all resolved. Which is probably not bad practice for life generally.

Clearly, this little embie is making a go of it - I'm sending it good wishes and hoping it is in the right spot.

The next bloodtest is on Monday morning. Either way, on Monday night I'm heading up to Sydney. I booked the flights a few days ago when I was sure that this cycle had been unsuccessful. I've got lots of good excuses for spending the week in Sydney - I'll see my Phd supervisor and attend a coursework unit, and it's also Mardi Gras season, so after sitting last year out while El Prima went and had fun, I'm going in the march and out with friends. I also had an ulterior motive, in that if I did happen to be ovulating while I was up there, I'd be in the same city as our donor, and a fresh insem could be possible. But now, who knows? I feel like at least I've got a 'plan b', whatever happens.

Meanwhile, forgive me if I start making spreadsheets...


  1. Had to smile at your tags for this post. I'm wishing your "persistent little bugger" continues to be so, and I'm sending you loads of love. You seem so very calm, but I'm guessing you could still do with the love. x

  2. go little embie. i always think its strange how little is known about so much of this whole common process, so much of it is weird and sometimes distressing....have fun disco dancing in Syd-vegas - trust your body to do its best - maybe some baba and hommus dip from Cleveland street will help....mmmmmm

  3. Wow. Definitely persistent. Hoping hoping hoping it's in a good spot.

  4. Oh the intolerable hope of limbo! I hope that your little embie has just got itself off to a slow start and things will start rolling along soon. Meanwhile, I am so glad you find yourself at peace with the unknowing. I hope you have a lovely trip.

  5. Sounds like Sydney is a great idea- embie or no. And congrats on navigating this gray area with patience. That's a feat in itself. Here's to hoping this one is a slow starter!

  6. Days Past Ovulation
    (What is this?) Median HCG Level Lowest HCG Level Reported Highest HCG Level Reported Number of women reporting a number for this day
    10 16 1 245 65
    11 24 2 196 285
    12 37 2 294 646
    13 62 1 575 1232
    14 101 1 2088 2575
    15 138 2 2088 3309
    16 204 4 9000 3588
    17 296 5 9000 3663
    18 412 9 10529 3493
    19 606 16 12318 3313
    20 847 28 14411 2984

    as per Betabase, the lowest beta for 20dpo that produced a viable pregnancy was 28. You are over 200!!! and the sample size for this dpo is 2984..... not too shabby!!! FXXXXXXX....

  7. As I make spreadsheets for a living, I doubt I would be able to resist.

    Just hoping for you, so very much xo

  8. Wow, kudos to you for dealing with this limbo so well. What a tough place to be in. Sending prayers and good vibes your way...I so hope you have some great news on Monday.

  9. sydney sounds like a great plan - beneficial either way. fingers crossed very very tightly for you! xo

  10. Go embie...
    Sending all good things your way.

  11. I wanted to pop in and say good luck and to tell you my story of my first IVF.

    At 14dpo, my beta was 15. I also had some bleeding. I thought it was over and all the nurses told me to brace myself to what was happening. It was already over or that it was ectopic.

    But with every blood test, my hcg levels continued to double every 48 hours. They gave me an u/s and it showed nothing at all, even with a viable pregnancy it would be too early to see anything, but they wanted to see if anything was happening in my tubes. Nothing.

    So there I am, in limbo land. A beta has to be over 1,000 to see anything via u/s, so it took forever to get there with a beginning beta of 15. When it finally reached ~1,023, I was called to come into the office immediately, because they thought whatever it was growing inside me, it could possibly damage my tube.

    Crazy thing though, they found a baby nestled in my uterus. That little 14dpo beta of 15 is now sleeping in the room down the hall.

    So good luck. I hope you also have a low beta story!

  12. I'd just go quietly out of my mind. Actually I am doing anyway, without blood tests. Everything crossed.

  13. I can sympathize with going crazy, but I'm really not sure why the nurse is being so fatalistic.

    My inclination, based on the purely anecdotal evidence of tons of beta stories posted on other people's blogs, is that this has a really strong chance of being a viable pregnancy.

    No, the betas aren't super high, but they are consistently doubling. That sounds like a good thing to me.

    And I want to smack that nurse for you for not having a little more faith.

  14. Hanen

    As you say, nothing is ever resolved. Not even when you are 33 weeks pregnant. I know sometimes life seems more resolved, but it is never really resolved.

    I am glad you are heading to Sydney, sounds like fun. We came to the Rivera Maya for the weekend to a beautiful resort. I am happy, enjoying THIS MOMENT, the one I have today.


  15. hang in there! both you and embie!